Pat Bean's blog

I miss my mother. I dreamed about her last night. I wanted her to tell me all about her life, something I never had time to listen to before she died.

I moved away from home when I was only 16, and she and I never again lived closer than 300 miles from each other, and most of the time it was over 1,000 miles away. While we didn’t exactly get along in our earlier years, we were never estranged. Still, I only saw her for a couple of days once or twice a year after I moved away from Dallas.

We also didn’t talk regularly, partly because back then long-distance phone calls were expensive. I’m glad that’s changed, and that we also now have the advantages of the internet because my children, when they left home, didn’t stay in town either. They moved on to different states, and even at times, to different countries.

While we can easily talk these days, and even view each other online, we’re still not there to celebrate special occasions or Sunday dinners or evening walks, or just to hold each other when STUFF happens — as it always does. I miss my children; it seems to be a family pattern.

But I’m not complaining. My children and I made good lives – ones that were enriched by new places, new experiences, new friends.

I once had a dear friend who never moved from the town in which he was born. His children always lived less than 10 miles away. I saw the pluses his life enjoyed, but also the minuses of him not having a life more like mine. Knowing what I do now, I would still make my more nomadic choices. Neither lifestyle is wrong – simply different.

Thinking a bit more about my mother, and my dream, I remembered she did live with me during the final months of her life. While we had time to talk then, she preferred to play games, like Scrabble, in which she won as many as she lost. I also remembered my mother was not really a talker, especially about herself. In fact, I remembered her firmly telling me several times to shut up so she could watch her favorite baseball team, the Texas Rangers, play on television in peace.

Even if we had lived closer, I still might be wanting to know more about her life.

That doesn’t change the fact, however, that I still miss my Mom.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is a wondering-wanderer, avid reader, enthusiastic birder, Lonely Planet Community Pathfinder, Story Circle Network board member, author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited) and is always searching for life’s silver lining.