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Dung beetles enrich the soil so plants can flourish. Did you know that? — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

One of my favorite bloggers, Dawn Downey, (https://dawndowney.substack.com/) claimed silver linings clash with her complexion and in the next instant, she said, dung beetles were her gurus.

Since silver linings are my mantra, you would suppose that I would be a bit upset with Dawn. But you would be wrong. Dawn gave me another perspective to ponder – and I learned a lot about dung beetles while doing it. Because she sparked my interest, I did an internet search to discover more about dung beetles, and discovered they actually are amazing creatures.

I mean, did you know that nocturnal African dung beetles can navigate and orient themselves using the Milky Way? And that some dung beetles can pull over 1,000 times their own weight.

Long ago, I wisely came to the conclusion that one learns more from those who think differently from me than those who agree with me. That mind set has stood me well, and often pushed me to better paths in life than what I was taught as a child growing up in the South during the 1940s and’50s.

For one thing, it’s not in the best interest of women to stay barefoot and pregnant. And just because you were born in Texas doesn’t mean you’re better than those who weren’t. That, at least was, my grandmother’s way of thinking.

I learned many other things during my journey through life that make me thankful for having diversity in my friends and acquaintances, and I hope they can say the same about me. I’ve also learned even more from other writers, like Dawn. The ability to read is an awesome gift.

Even so, I’ll continue to believe in silver linings — because one doesn’t have to agree with, or believe, everything they hear or read.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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The Dance of Life

Aging My Way

“We should consider every day lost in which we have not danced at least once,” said Fredrick Nietzsche, an 1800s’ German philosopher.  

Dancing, for a couple of years in my life, once gave me great joy. I did it most Wednesday nights when country swing was my jig of choice. Mostly I danced with a 6-foot-4 partner who was the boyfriend of one of my girlfriends who hated dancing.

He and I got pretty good at it and I continued to enjoy it even after he accidentally gave me a black-eye while we were doing a maneuver called The Octopus.

And that vivid memory was the first thought that popped through my mind when I read Nietzsche’s words.

However, since Nietzsche wasn’t a dancer, I can only assume he was talking more philosophically, like having something in your life that gives you daily joy. 

I appreciate that deduction, since these days I can’t quite dance. My left knee — soon to be replaced, I note, which leaves me both happy and a bit scared – is quite wonky. And I doubt, even if after fixed, it’s going to let me dance with the ease I did in my younger days.

But I do have daily joy in my life. My canine companion Scamp, friends and loved ones who drop by or call, books, letters, birds that visit my small yard, sunshine, flowers, the satisfaction of completing a piece of art, or even just having a clean apartment polished up by my own hands,

These are all little things that have long been in my life, but which I didn’t always appreciate as much as I do now. I find having the time to do so now is one of the better gifts of aging.

So what if I can no longer dance? My cup is not just half full, it’s overflowing. Thanks, Fredrich. For reminding me.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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Are you sure we’re going the right way? — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

Women just can’t make up their minds. That’s a comment I heard often, especially in my younger years. It was never meant as a compliment.

Age, however, has taught me that having the ability to change one’s mind, to make a U-turn, even if it’s in the middle of rush-hour traffic, is actually a strength.

I mean, we’re all human, men and women alike. And though there are some out there who think otherwise, none of us are perfect. I would hate to even start to count up the number of mistakes I’ve made in my 84 years. But I’ve learned that nothing stops me from changing direction when I do.

It’s actually a lesson that began filtering into my brain when I was about three years old, and innocent enough that I actually ate a spoonful of dirt at the urging of some older kids who were teasing me. They pretended to eat the dirt while telling me it was yummy. All I can recall of that incident, which is one of my first memories, is that I didn’t take a second bite.

Even so, I was almost 40 before I accepted that it’s not a weakness to change one’s mind.  Since then, my life has been better – and oh so much easier because I no longer fear making a wrong decision.

After all. I’m a woman. And everyone knows, we women simply can’t make up our minds.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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Illustration by Pat Bean

Aging my Way

When I retired in 2004 and moved into a 21-foot RV, I got rid of my TV. It wasn’t a big deal. I had many other things to do. Even nine years later, when I left my wheeled home for a regular apartment, I saw no need to make a television a part of my furnishings.  

But in January of 2023, my brother, an avid Dallas Cowboy fan, visited and wanted to watch a football game. My granddaughter and her wife, who had bought a new television for Christmas – and had been trying to give me their old one for a month – brought it over so he could watch the game.

It was supposed to go back to their apartment afterwards but for one reason or another, it didn’t. It sat on a bookcase for nearly a year, where the only comfortable place for watching it was from a prone position on my couch. I mostly watched it for my kind of soap operas, The Challenge, Survivor and Amazing Race, which when without a TV, I streamed on my computer.

But a few weeks ago, the girls came over and moved all my furniture around so they could sit comfortably on the couch and watch football game or a movie with me. And they moved my big old comfortable recliner into a prime viewing position.

I now watch TV more, which has me pondering if this is a bad or a good thing. I ponder a lot.

This week I’ve been binging on Call the Midwife, which usually ends each episode on a bright note even if life has been difficult for the characters.  I’m a realist but I believe in silver lining endings.

Watching TV again has been pleasurable, but thankfully art and books still call to me. I just finished reading Bright Remarkable Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt, which I highly recommend, as I do Call the Midwife.

Both kept this old broad up well after her bedtime. That’s OK. It makes me feel younger.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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We don’t have snow, but it’s been cold here in Tucson. — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

If I were to think about some of the important milestones in my life, I could start with an incident that happened during the early 1940s, when as a young child, I destroyed the family’s ration stamps. Issued by the government during World War II, the stamps allowed families limited purchase of such items as sugar, gas and meat.

The incident is not something I actually remember doing, but the story was told to me numerous times growing up. That I survived this family trauma has to mean something.

But not nearly as much as the milestone that I now look back on in disbelief. I survived raising five children at a time when disposable diapers were not easily available. And because the first four of my children were close in age, I once had seven years of uninterrupted cloth diaper changes.

Somehow, today, that seems as much of a milestone as giving birth to those five children. Perhaps it’s because after changing a few of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren’s diapers, I came to the conclusion that disposable diapers might be one of the world’s best inventions.

I think my next milestone, which happened when those five kids ranged in age from two to 11, was going to work for a newspaper, and getting promoted from darkroom flunky to reporter. It changed the entire direction of my life and gave me a career I loved for the next 37 years.

Looking back now, I feel that was the life I was meant to live, and I can’t help but wonder if fate played a hand in letting me find it. What would my life have been like if I hadn’t answered that newspaper ad?  Or, if at 25, I hadn’t decided I wanted to be a writer?

As I sit here reflecting on these things, I realize how very thankful I am for the life I’ve had. But I also wonder how different things could have turned out, especially since all the milestones – and wrong decisions — I’ve survived in my life were not all that great.

There were a few experiences I wouldn’t regret having skipped. But then I wonder if I hadn’t experienced them, would my life have turned out for the better – or the worse?

Who knows? Certainly not me. I guess pondering about disposable diapers, and where your thoughts go from there, is just something you do when you’re an old broad.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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Yellow-Rumped Warbler

Aging My Way

 When things got tough in my younger years, I did what most of us do. I struggled on. Then, during one of the rougher patches, I came to an amazing discovery. Despite all the chaos that was happening around and to me, there was still a deep happiness inside me that had nothing to do with my present world.

 Ever since that day, I’ve felt blessed. And as I thought about it this morning, I realized that if I ever needed that flaming spark of inner light to keep going, it is now.

 While all the drama and craziness that’s been in my past life has faded away, I’ve found myself in a new kind of shit. Sorry if that word offends, but I can’t think of a better description to sum up what’s happening to my body after 84 years of living in it.

  Bum knee, bum shoulder, thinning skin, thinning hair, sagging boobs, actually sagging everything. Yet, I still greet each morning with zest, and with thankfulness that I’ve made it this far in life, and also for the benefits of aging.    

 No longer are little things a matter of life or death, I have more time to read and learn, and stillness in my life for reflection. I finally realize my worth and that I am loved, two things that escaped my desperate search for them when I was younger.

 But best of all, I’m learning to live in the moment. I enjoy each bird that visits my yard, each hug from friends and loved ones, each cuddle with my dog Scamp, and every sunrise, which is visible from my warm, cozy bed on a cold Tucson morning like today.

I’m just thankful to still be alive. This I know.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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That’s Not What I Meant

Some hummingbirds can flap their wings up to 80 times a second. — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

With all this talk being thrown around about artificial intelligence, better known simply as AI, I’ve come to realize one of its uses has been both the savior and bane of my life for 40 years or more. I’m talking about Spell Check.

In the early years, it simply noted misspelled words; today it goes so far as to question context and meaning of words. I like it when it catches my typo gremlins, but not when it automatically changes a word I truly meant, sometimes even refusing to let me change it back.

This mostly happens when I text — and the most frequent irritation is when Spell Check changes Dawn to David. And just yesterday, I typed that I was back safely after taking my dog Scamp for a walk and that he had pooed.  AI didn’t like pooed, so changed it to posed.

In 2020, Google wrote of its Spell Check Program: “The tool uses a deep neural net with 680 million parameters to better understand the context of misspelled words. It runs in 3 milliseconds — faster than one flap of a hummingbird’s wings.”

Now I don’t understand some of that, but I do know that some hummingbirds flap their wings 80 times a second. Then again, I don’t understand how that is possible either.

In my imagination, I see Spell Check and Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, coming head-to-head in a face-off.

Carroll, whose work was published in the 1800s, used such meaningless words as brillig, frumious, slythy, mimsy, burble, chortle, galumph, snark, frabjous, and burble – and meant them. Some of those words can now be found in dictionaries, like Jabberwocky, the name of a nonsensical poem by Carrol. Today, Jabberwocky, according to an Oxford Dictionary, means invented or meaningless language.

Will Spell Check block the creation of new words from joining our language – or will there be another author like Carroll to fight and win the head-to-head battle against the mighty AI tool?

This curious writer wants to know. Otherwise, I just want Spell Check to continue catching my typo gremlins, but to acknowledge I meant what I said.

That’s not asking too much. Is it?

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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Yellow and Purple — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

Did you know that if you live in the United States’ lower mainland, you’re never more than 135 miles from a McDonald’s. At least that’s what an Atlas Obscura article I read claimed.

Then with a pun for emphasis, the article said the “McFarthest” spot away from one of the fast-food restaurants was located in Nevada. The article then provided the GPS coordinates, with an added note to respect property rights if you decide to go.

Between 1956 and 1970, I lived in Lake Jackson, a small city on the Texas Gulf Coast that was founded in 1942, just two years after the first McDonald’s was opened in 1940. I often heard people, maybe even myself once or twice, decry that the city didn’t have a McDonalds. Well, Lake Jackson has grown substantially over the years, and now has more than one McDonald’s.

But since my way of thinking has changed much over the past 50 plus years, I’m not all together happy about that. I’ve become a big fan of wilderness areas, even if it’s just a place designated as wildlife habitat.

While some humans think we’re the only species that counts. I think differently. Besides, being able to just be surrounded by Mother Nature’s wonders every once in a while, is what has kept me sane all these years. Even as a kid, I treasured being hidden among the leaves up a tree. And when I saw my first mountain, I was hooked for life.  

During my 37-year newspaper journalism career, I was always looking for stories that would take me into undeveloped areas. I wrote about the return of wolves to Yellowstone, the polarized issues of Southern Utah wilderness areas, the creation of The Grand Staircase-Escalante Monument, Forest Service land swaps, troubling issues involving Great Salt Lake, and many other environmental issues.

The newspaper’s photographers even created a catch-phrase about me. “If you find yourself driving on an unpaved road, it must be a Pat Bean assignment.”

I miss those days. But I can’t imagine ever missing a McDonald’s.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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Run Off — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

        There were very few mornings in 2023 when I didn’t awake with thankfulness in my heart for all my many blessings. Even so, I let Thanksgiving pass by without my annual 100 things I’m thankful for list, which I’ve posted since 2010.

        2023 was a year of changes for me, and coping with those changes got in the way of a lot more than just that list. The 365 days of the past year were a needed time for reflection, of my past and on my future. We all need time like this. But when I was able to race hither and thither without a thought, I seldom took it.

        But now is my season to do so.

        Meanwhile, I’m ready to take on 2024, and I do it in the spirit of Edward Abbey, who sensibly wished for crooked, winding, challenging trails, with mountains that rose above the clouds and had amazing views.

        And since the thankfulness I feel in my heart continues to overflow, I share with you, in no particular order except as they raced through my brain, 100 things I’m thankful for.

  1. Comfortable shoes.
  2. A warm home on a cold day.
  3. My canine companion Scamp, who keeps my life balanced.
  4. Fresh, clean sheets for a good night’s sleep.
  5. A granddaughter and her wife who have chosen to live near me in my old age.
  6. Mother Nature and all her wonders.
  7. Air conditioning to survive Tucson summers.
  8. Flowers of every shade and hue.
  9. A hot bath.
  10.  Cream-laced coffee to start my mornings.
  11.  Every single member of my large family.
  12.  Road trips, although they have become fewer these days.
  13. Good conversations that make me think.
  14.  Competitive card games.
  15.  Finally finding a primary care physician who listens to me. We’re not all alike, you know.
  16.  Tye-Dye T-shirts.
  17.  A Jack and Coke nightcap.
  18.  Books, one of life’s greatest treasures.
  19.  The view I have of the Catalina Mountains,
  20.  Friends, old and new and everywhere in between.  
  21. That I’m a writer, and can live life twice.
  22.  A soft quilt.
  23.  My addiction to bird watching.
  24.  Good memories of the awesome experiences I’ve collected over 84 years.
  25.  Rainbows.
  26. Sunrises and sunsets.
  27.  My old recliner.
  28.  The tall cottonwood and oleander trees that grace my small yard.
  29.  A daily call from a son.
  30.  The internet and the connections and knowledge it provides me.
  31.  Snail mail from a fellow wordsmith.
  32.  Story Circle Network, my writing support group.
  33.  Publication of my book, Travels with Maggie, about my nine years traveling this country in an RV.
  34.  Art, my own and that of others.
  35.  That I still have a zest for life.
  36.  Learning something new.
  37.  My scrapbooks and journals, which haphazardly capture snippets of my life.
  38.  My rubber tree plant, which is now about 40 years old, and which has been prolific in providing its babies to others.
  39.  A drawing of a cardinal which belonged to my grandmother, and is the oldest thing I own.
  40.  Advil.
  41.  Chocolate ice cream.
  42.  New sox and underwear.
  43.  Butterflies.
  44.  Hummingbirds at my nectar feeder.
  45.  Hugs.
  46.  Kind people who care about others.
  47.  That I can still drive.
  48.  Soft pajamas.
  49.  Pleasant surprises
  50. Laughter.
  51.  A good pen and journal.
  52.  Audible books.
  53.  A sky full of stars.
  54.  Electricity and the conveniences of life.
  55.  A good haircut.
  56.  My wrinkles, because I earned them.
  57.  The Sonoran Desert that I live in.
  58.  My pansy hanging flower basket that hasn’t stopped blooming in over a year.
  59.  Wind chimes.
  60.  My wolf tattoo, which I got at 75.
  61.  Fresh flowers on my table.
  62.  Live theater.
  63.  The Van Gogh exhibit I visited this past year.
  64.  Hot tea.
  65.  Social Security.
  66.  Jigsaw puzzles
  67.  That I live in a place where coyotes still howl and a Cooper’s Hawk visits my yard, only if looking for a tasty sparrow meal.
  68.  Friends and loved ones who drop in unannounced – it’s a southern thing.
  69.  Time alone, to reflect and think – it’s an old age thing,
  70.  That I no longer feel the need to be perfect.
  71.  My favorite cooking pan, especially when it is full of my fresh-cooked chicken and rice.
  72.  The solar lights that brighten my yard at night.
  73.  Truthful, unbiased news, and the journalists who report it.
  74.  That I was born in America and have privileges as a woman that so many other women do not.
  75.  The neighborhood I live in.
  76.  A clean apartment, and freshly washed clothes.
  77.  Care boxes from my guardian angel daughter-in-law.
  78.  Ponds moisturizing cream.
  79.  Christmas trees and ornaments.
  80.  Spending Thanksgiving with family, this year with a daughter, three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
  81.  My mother and grandmother, and all other female role models who haven’t let gender stand in the way of reaching their goals.
  82.  Scamp’s groomer, because he’s not an easy dog to groom.
  83.  My microwave and leftovers.
  84.  Scented candles.
  85.  Clean water to drink.
  86.  Movies that make me both laugh and cry.
  87.  Every morning I awake ready for another day,
  88.  Outsmarting my computer, or other technical wonder when they get cranky. Oh, wait. I’m the one that gets cranky when they don’t work.
  89.  National Parks and Forests, and bird sanctuaries and wildlife refuges.
  90.  Despite its hit on my budget, that I can afford good medical insurance when so many others can’t.
  91.  Overhead honking geese.
  92.  Reading glasses.
  93.  Scenic backroads.
  94.  Polite drivers.
  95.  That I’m more focused on remembering the good times than the bad ones, while continuing to live in the present.
  96.  Country western and rock and roll music.
  97.  Readers of my blog.
  98.  Morning walks with my dog Scamp.
  99.  Discovering a new author I like who has written a dozen books.
  100. And finally, for still managing to believe in silver linings when things go awry.

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When I Am an Old Woman

Common Yellowthroat — Art by Pat Bean

Aging my Way

I’ve long been a fan of Jenny Joseph’s poem Warning, more commonly known by its first line, “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.”

Besides declaring that she would wear bright colors, Jenny also declared that she would sit down on the pavement when she was tired, go out in her slippers in the rain and make up for the sobriety of her youth.

The poem was written in 1961 when Jenny was just 28 – and I was just 22.

Today, I am that old woman. In my closet hangs a few purple garments, but instead of sitting on the pavement, I sometimes sit on the rollator I began using a year or so ago to get around with. The seat especially comes in handy while birdwatching, or stuck in a long line.

Meanwhile, since I am 84, one of my resolutions for 2024 is to free myself from my own and others’ expectations.

I will write what I want without a self-censor looking over my shoulder.

I will walk my dog in the rain – and go back to bed on cold days.

I will buy flowers for myself.

I will stop feeling guilty for telling people “No.”

I will finally accept that I can’t do it all – and try to accept help graciously.

And I will fill my days with doing the things I truly want to do – even if they’re silly and ridiculous, like wearing one of my favorite Tye-Dye T-shirts to a formal event.

My thinking is that since I’m not yet ready to stop getting older, I might as well reap the benefits.

Happy New Year to all!

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

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