“I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all.” – Richard Wright
The Write Words
While I want my words to stand out like the red leaves on the tree I can see outside my RV window, too often I feel they read like one of the tiny green ones hiding in the background. It's call writer's angst. -- Photo by Pat Bean
Angst and doubt about one’s ability are part of a writer’s world, at least the ones I know. We worry that the words we put out to the world aren’t good enough. And unlike the carpenter who can redo the lopsided chair he built before anyone sits on it, we writers can’t take back our words once we’ve sent them out into the world.
This past week I wrote about Custer State Park, but in a photo caption written during a brain fart, I called it Custard State Park. I later corrected the error but not until after it had been sent out to over a 100 readers.
That kind of thing is just the tip of the iceberg, however. Self-doubt begins to seep into our psyches because we can’t write as well as Isabelle Allende or Maya Angelou; and our words fall short of a Pulitzer or an Agatha.
So why do we still do it?
I don’t know about other writers, but I suspect their reasons are the same as mine: Writing is as much a part of me as breathing; I simply can’t not write.
But some days the self-flagellation is more demanding than others in questioning if what we write is good enough.
An award that brightened my writing day.
I’ve been in that state lately, which made this morning’s recognition by a fellow writer, who gave me a “One Lovely Blog Award,” so meaningful. My writing spirit was warmly hugged by the compliment that accompanied the honor: “I cannot get over this woman and the beauty and peace she brings into my life through her photos and her posts,” http://tinyurl.com/6og645n 4amWriter wrote.
Knowing that perhaps I’ve touched one life has erased my writer’s angst – for today only of course.
As a way of passing along the award to other writers, beginning today, I’m going to put a post script to my daily blogs naming my choice for blog of the day. To make it fun, I’ll call it Bean’s Pat. I’ll award it to the blogger who either makes me laugh, cry, remember, think or be awed by beauty or nature.
Perhaps you’ll want to nominate some blogs you think deserve the honor. I’ll read them as I drink my morning two cups of cream-laced coffee.
Bean’s Pat: The Fairy Tale Asylum: So Many Names Hanging in the Dark … http://tinyurl.com/7kfnz7q This emotional blog reminded me of my brother, Richard, who was the best of us four siblings. He died at the age of 35 of AIDS.
Pat Bean's blog 
I can relate to your post so well today. The self doubt has planted itself into my head though I am happy with the plot of my current novel, the feeling of unworthiness almost stumped me. Thanks for reminding me of why I write!
Thanks Jane. Glad to have you along for my journey
We all have typos, including, I am sure, Maya Angelou. But you are writing a regular and unedited blog, so go easy on yourself. I saw the Custer blog and never noticed the typo. Often we just see what we expect to see. We don’t write to show how perfect we are; we write to express ourselves.
Congrats on your well-deserved award. Have you told Maggie yet? Give her a pat for me.
Maggie says hi back at you Bob. She keeps me in line. We just got back from our morning walk. She likes to sleep in. Re seeing what we expect is why we all need good editors. But even as a city editor for a newspaper I wasn’t good at the nitty gritty things. My forte was seeing the holes, the redunancies and the libel possibilities in the stories I edited. Thanks, meanwhile, for the kind words.I find it much easier to be easy on others than on myself. But I am getting better at it. And also better at blocking the censor in my head about what I write. I treasure this latter breakthrough in my writing. And I treasure the writing colleagues I’ve met through my blog.
What a lovely post to introduce your own award. I think you are truly gifted in so many ways. And I have found it is gifted people who are the most unsure about the steps they take daily.
I love your “Bean’s Pat” and I look forward to watching it make people smile!
Reblogged this on 4amWriter.
So reassuring that I’m not the only one who has those doubts. They can be overwhelming at times; but it is like breating, you can’t live, at least not happily without writing. Ironically I stopped by to say that I have nominated you as one of my favourite versatile bloggers. To see what this means check out my post at:
http://clairewade.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/blessing-24-blog-love-versatile-blogger-award/
I can’t speak to your experience, of course, but I know that when I feel that aching doubt, all my losses feel sharper as well. I lost my mother suddenly many years ago (not to AIDS but she too was gone too soon), and while I miss her everyday, the days I think I can’t write, I will never write well, I will never be read…my mind just goes down many dark paths.
But we are here to support each other and forgive each other our typos. May she who is without typos, cast the first keyboard.
Thank you for the Pat. That is very kind of you. You say your brother was the best of the four you. From what I see here, you must’ve all been a great bunch.
Sorry for your loss. Keep writing.
The “pat” was well deserved. Writing that touches others is when words are at their best. I say my brother was the best of us because I never heard him say a single bad word against another his entire life.
Congratulations on your well-deserved award, Pat. I really enjoy following you on your travels. 🙂