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The Murder of Crows

January 31, 2024 by Pat Bean

Old Crow art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

I’m reading A Murder of Crows by Sarah Yarwood-Lovett. It’s a cozy mystery with an ecologist as the protagonist. With all the many, many books out there to choose from, I was attracted to this one simply because of the title. You see, I once was a member of a small group that called itself The Murder of Crows.

The group membership numbered a half dozen women or so, all well past the age innocence, with marriage, children, divorces and life experiences in our varied backgrounds.

  We met once a week for lunch and got together occasionally for other activities and events. Our conversations were filled with interesting chatter, raucous laughter, irreverent remarks and commentary about politics and world events. We were a liberal group with four journalists, in various capacities, among us.

 I was in my early 40s when I was introduced to the group by a younger female colleague at the newspaper where I had just been hired. She didn’t stick around long, however, as she soon departed to a job in another state. But by that time, I was firmly ensconced in the group.

 We got our name from one of the women’s teenage sons who referred to us as a bunch of old crows. Instead of being insulted we started calling ourselves The Murder of Crows, which is actually the proper name for a group of crows.

We stayed together for the next 20 years or so before moves and deaths begin taking their toll. Only three members were left behind when I retired in 2004, sold my home and took off to tour America in a small RV. I kept in touch, but while I was traveling around another member died, and then after I settled in Tucson in 2013, one more death occurred.

That’s what happens to friends when they reach their eighth decades of life. I got to visit with the other lone Murder of Crows’ member when I visited my old hometown last September. And I got a nice long snail mail letter from her a couple of weeks ago.

While I hope there will be many more visits and letters, I know it’s important that I treat each treasured get-together and letter as if it were the last – because it just might be.

Now I think I will stop here and go write that return letter to one of the last two still-standing Murder of Crows’ members. It’s important to me.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Birds, journalism, Journeys, Writing | Tagged | 3 Comments »

Old Broad Pondering About Diapers

January 19, 2024 by Pat Bean

We don’t have snow, but it’s been cold here in Tucson. — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

If I were to think about some of the important milestones in my life, I could start with an incident that happened during the early 1940s, when as a young child, I destroyed the family’s ration stamps. Issued by the government during World War II, the stamps allowed families limited purchase of such items as sugar, gas and meat.

The incident is not something I actually remember doing, but the story was told to me numerous times growing up. That I survived this family trauma has to mean something.

But not nearly as much as the milestone that I now look back on in disbelief. I survived raising five children at a time when disposable diapers were not easily available. And because the first four of my children were close in age, I once had seven years of uninterrupted cloth diaper changes.

Somehow, today, that seems as much of a milestone as giving birth to those five children. Perhaps it’s because after changing a few of my grandchildren and great-grandchildren’s diapers, I came to the conclusion that disposable diapers might be one of the world’s best inventions.

I think my next milestone, which happened when those five kids ranged in age from two to 11, was going to work for a newspaper, and getting promoted from darkroom flunky to reporter. It changed the entire direction of my life and gave me a career I loved for the next 37 years.

Looking back now, I feel that was the life I was meant to live, and I can’t help but wonder if fate played a hand in letting me find it. What would my life have been like if I hadn’t answered that newspaper ad?  Or, if at 25, I hadn’t decided I wanted to be a writer?

As I sit here reflecting on these things, I realize how very thankful I am for the life I’ve had. But I also wonder how different things could have turned out, especially since all the milestones – and wrong decisions — I’ve survived in my life were not all that great.

There were a few experiences I wouldn’t regret having skipped. But then I wonder if I hadn’t experienced them, would my life have turned out for the better – or the worse?

Who knows? Certainly not me. I guess pondering about disposable diapers, and where your thoughts go from there, is just something you do when you’re an old broad.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Art, Journeys, Writing | 4 Comments »

Here’s What I Know

January 17, 2024 by Pat Bean

Yellow-Rumped Warbler

Aging My Way

 When things got tough in my younger years, I did what most of us do. I struggled on. Then, during one of the rougher patches, I came to an amazing discovery. Despite all the chaos that was happening around and to me, there was still a deep happiness inside me that had nothing to do with my present world.

 Ever since that day, I’ve felt blessed. And as I thought about it this morning, I realized that if I ever needed that flaming spark of inner light to keep going, it is now.

 While all the drama and craziness that’s been in my past life has faded away, I’ve found myself in a new kind of shit. Sorry if that word offends, but I can’t think of a better description to sum up what’s happening to my body after 84 years of living in it.

  Bum knee, bum shoulder, thinning skin, thinning hair, sagging boobs, actually sagging everything. Yet, I still greet each morning with zest, and with thankfulness that I’ve made it this far in life, and also for the benefits of aging.    

 No longer are little things a matter of life or death, I have more time to read and learn, and stillness in my life for reflection. I finally realize my worth and that I am loved, two things that escaped my desperate search for them when I was younger.

 But best of all, I’m learning to live in the moment. I enjoy each bird that visits my yard, each hug from friends and loved ones, each cuddle with my dog Scamp, and every sunrise, which is visible from my warm, cozy bed on a cold Tucson morning like today.

I’m just thankful to still be alive. This I know.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Art, Birds, Journeys, silver linings, Writing | 4 Comments »

That’s Not What I Meant

January 9, 2024 by Pat Bean

Some hummingbirds can flap their wings up to 80 times a second. — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

With all this talk being thrown around about artificial intelligence, better known simply as AI, I’ve come to realize one of its uses has been both the savior and bane of my life for 40 years or more. I’m talking about Spell Check.

In the early years, it simply noted misspelled words; today it goes so far as to question context and meaning of words. I like it when it catches my typo gremlins, but not when it automatically changes a word I truly meant, sometimes even refusing to let me change it back.

This mostly happens when I text — and the most frequent irritation is when Spell Check changes Dawn to David. And just yesterday, I typed that I was back safely after taking my dog Scamp for a walk and that he had pooed.  AI didn’t like pooed, so changed it to posed.

In 2020, Google wrote of its Spell Check Program: “The tool uses a deep neural net with 680 million parameters to better understand the context of misspelled words. It runs in 3 milliseconds — faster than one flap of a hummingbird’s wings.”

Now I don’t understand some of that, but I do know that some hummingbirds flap their wings 80 times a second. Then again, I don’t understand how that is possible either.

In my imagination, I see Spell Check and Lewis Carroll, the author of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, coming head-to-head in a face-off.

Carroll, whose work was published in the 1800s, used such meaningless words as brillig, frumious, slythy, mimsy, burble, chortle, galumph, snark, frabjous, and burble – and meant them. Some of those words can now be found in dictionaries, like Jabberwocky, the name of a nonsensical poem by Carrol. Today, Jabberwocky, according to an Oxford Dictionary, means invented or meaningless language.

Will Spell Check block the creation of new words from joining our language – or will there be another author like Carroll to fight and win the head-to-head battle against the mighty AI tool?

This curious writer wants to know. Otherwise, I just want Spell Check to continue catching my typo gremlins, but to acknowledge I meant what I said.

That’s not asking too much. Is it?

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Art, Birds, Journeys, Writing | Tagged | 4 Comments »

Only 135 miles to a McDonald’s

January 5, 2024 by Pat Bean

Yellow and Purple — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

Did you know that if you live in the United States’ lower mainland, you’re never more than 135 miles from a McDonald’s. At least that’s what an Atlas Obscura article I read claimed.

Then with a pun for emphasis, the article said the “McFarthest” spot away from one of the fast-food restaurants was located in Nevada. The article then provided the GPS coordinates, with an added note to respect property rights if you decide to go.

Between 1956 and 1970, I lived in Lake Jackson, a small city on the Texas Gulf Coast that was founded in 1942, just two years after the first McDonald’s was opened in 1940. I often heard people, maybe even myself once or twice, decry that the city didn’t have a McDonalds. Well, Lake Jackson has grown substantially over the years, and now has more than one McDonald’s.

But since my way of thinking has changed much over the past 50 plus years, I’m not all together happy about that. I’ve become a big fan of wilderness areas, even if it’s just a place designated as wildlife habitat.

While some humans think we’re the only species that counts. I think differently. Besides, being able to just be surrounded by Mother Nature’s wonders every once in a while, is what has kept me sane all these years. Even as a kid, I treasured being hidden among the leaves up a tree. And when I saw my first mountain, I was hooked for life.  

During my 37-year newspaper journalism career, I was always looking for stories that would take me into undeveloped areas. I wrote about the return of wolves to Yellowstone, the polarized issues of Southern Utah wilderness areas, the creation of The Grand Staircase-Escalante Monument, Forest Service land swaps, troubling issues involving Great Salt Lake, and many other environmental issues.

The newspaper’s photographers even created a catch-phrase about me. “If you find yourself driving on an unpaved road, it must be a Pat Bean assignment.”

I miss those days. But I can’t imagine ever missing a McDonald’s.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Art, Journeys, Nature, Writing | Tagged , | 2 Comments »

100 Things I’m Thankful For

January 3, 2024 by Pat Bean

Run Off — Art by Pat Bean

Aging My Way

        There were very few mornings in 2023 when I didn’t awake with thankfulness in my heart for all my many blessings. Even so, I let Thanksgiving pass by without my annual 100 things I’m thankful for list, which I’ve posted since 2010.

        2023 was a year of changes for me, and coping with those changes got in the way of a lot more than just that list. The 365 days of the past year were a needed time for reflection, of my past and on my future. We all need time like this. But when I was able to race hither and thither without a thought, I seldom took it.

        But now is my season to do so.

        Meanwhile, I’m ready to take on 2024, and I do it in the spirit of Edward Abbey, who sensibly wished for crooked, winding, challenging trails, with mountains that rose above the clouds and had amazing views.

        And since the thankfulness I feel in my heart continues to overflow, I share with you, in no particular order except as they raced through my brain, 100 things I’m thankful for.

  1. Comfortable shoes.
  2. A warm home on a cold day.
  3. My canine companion Scamp, who keeps my life balanced.
  4. Fresh, clean sheets for a good night’s sleep.
  5. A granddaughter and her wife who have chosen to live near me in my old age.
  6. Mother Nature and all her wonders.
  7. Air conditioning to survive Tucson summers.
  8. Flowers of every shade and hue.
  9. A hot bath.
  10.  Cream-laced coffee to start my mornings.
  11.  Every single member of my large family.
  12.  Road trips, although they have become fewer these days.
  13. Good conversations that make me think.
  14.  Competitive card games.
  15.  Finally finding a primary care physician who listens to me. We’re not all alike, you know.
  16.  Tye-Dye T-shirts.
  17.  A Jack and Coke nightcap.
  18.  Books, one of life’s greatest treasures.
  19.  The view I have of the Catalina Mountains,
  20.  Friends, old and new and everywhere in between.  
  21. That I’m a writer, and can live life twice.
  22.  A soft quilt.
  23.  My addiction to bird watching.
  24.  Good memories of the awesome experiences I’ve collected over 84 years.
  25.  Rainbows.
  26. Sunrises and sunsets.
  27.  My old recliner.
  28.  The tall cottonwood and oleander trees that grace my small yard.
  29.  A daily call from a son.
  30.  The internet and the connections and knowledge it provides me.
  31.  Snail mail from a fellow wordsmith.
  32.  Story Circle Network, my writing support group.
  33.  Publication of my book, Travels with Maggie, about my nine years traveling this country in an RV.
  34.  Art, my own and that of others.
  35.  That I still have a zest for life.
  36.  Learning something new.
  37.  My scrapbooks and journals, which haphazardly capture snippets of my life.
  38.  My rubber tree plant, which is now about 40 years old, and which has been prolific in providing its babies to others.
  39.  A drawing of a cardinal which belonged to my grandmother, and is the oldest thing I own.
  40.  Advil.
  41.  Chocolate ice cream.
  42.  New sox and underwear.
  43.  Butterflies.
  44.  Hummingbirds at my nectar feeder.
  45.  Hugs.
  46.  Kind people who care about others.
  47.  That I can still drive.
  48.  Soft pajamas.
  49.  Pleasant surprises
  50. Laughter.
  51.  A good pen and journal.
  52.  Audible books.
  53.  A sky full of stars.
  54.  Electricity and the conveniences of life.
  55.  A good haircut.
  56.  My wrinkles, because I earned them.
  57.  The Sonoran Desert that I live in.
  58.  My pansy hanging flower basket that hasn’t stopped blooming in over a year.
  59.  Wind chimes.
  60.  My wolf tattoo, which I got at 75.
  61.  Fresh flowers on my table.
  62.  Live theater.
  63.  The Van Gogh exhibit I visited this past year.
  64.  Hot tea.
  65.  Social Security.
  66.  Jigsaw puzzles
  67.  That I live in a place where coyotes still howl and a Cooper’s Hawk visits my yard, only if looking for a tasty sparrow meal.
  68.  Friends and loved ones who drop in unannounced – it’s a southern thing.
  69.  Time alone, to reflect and think – it’s an old age thing,
  70.  That I no longer feel the need to be perfect.
  71.  My favorite cooking pan, especially when it is full of my fresh-cooked chicken and rice.
  72.  The solar lights that brighten my yard at night.
  73.  Truthful, unbiased news, and the journalists who report it.
  74.  That I was born in America and have privileges as a woman that so many other women do not.
  75.  The neighborhood I live in.
  76.  A clean apartment, and freshly washed clothes.
  77.  Care boxes from my guardian angel daughter-in-law.
  78.  Ponds moisturizing cream.
  79.  Christmas trees and ornaments.
  80.  Spending Thanksgiving with family, this year with a daughter, three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
  81.  My mother and grandmother, and all other female role models who haven’t let gender stand in the way of reaching their goals.
  82.  Scamp’s groomer, because he’s not an easy dog to groom.
  83.  My microwave and leftovers.
  84.  Scented candles.
  85.  Clean water to drink.
  86.  Movies that make me both laugh and cry.
  87.  Every morning I awake ready for another day,
  88.  Outsmarting my computer, or other technical wonder when they get cranky. Oh, wait. I’m the one that gets cranky when they don’t work.
  89.  National Parks and Forests, and bird sanctuaries and wildlife refuges.
  90.  Despite its hit on my budget, that I can afford good medical insurance when so many others can’t.
  91.  Overhead honking geese.
  92.  Reading glasses.
  93.  Scenic backroads.
  94.  Polite drivers.
  95.  That I’m more focused on remembering the good times than the bad ones, while continuing to live in the present.
  96.  Country western and rock and roll music.
  97.  Readers of my blog.
  98.  Morning walks with my dog Scamp.
  99.  Discovering a new author I like who has written a dozen books.
  100. And finally, for still managing to believe in silver linings when things go awry.

Posted in aging, Art, Journeys, Writing | Tagged | 4 Comments »

When I Am an Old Woman

January 1, 2024 by Pat Bean

Common Yellowthroat — Art by Pat Bean

Aging my Way

I’ve long been a fan of Jenny Joseph’s poem Warning, more commonly known by its first line, “When I am an old woman I shall wear purple.”

Besides declaring that she would wear bright colors, Jenny also declared that she would sit down on the pavement when she was tired, go out in her slippers in the rain and make up for the sobriety of her youth.

The poem was written in 1961 when Jenny was just 28 – and I was just 22.

Today, I am that old woman. In my closet hangs a few purple garments, but instead of sitting on the pavement, I sometimes sit on the rollator I began using a year or so ago to get around with. The seat especially comes in handy while birdwatching, or stuck in a long line.

Meanwhile, since I am 84, one of my resolutions for 2024 is to free myself from my own and others’ expectations.

I will write what I want without a self-censor looking over my shoulder.

I will walk my dog in the rain – and go back to bed on cold days.

I will buy flowers for myself.

I will stop feeling guilty for telling people “No.”

I will finally accept that I can’t do it all – and try to accept help graciously.

And I will fill my days with doing the things I truly want to do – even if they’re silly and ridiculous, like wearing one of my favorite Tye-Dye T-shirts to a formal event.

My thinking is that since I’m not yet ready to stop getting older, I might as well reap the benefits.

Happy New Year to all!

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Art, Journeys | 11 Comments »

Faulty Little Gray Cells

December 8, 2023 by Pat Bean

One of Rick Steves many travel books about European countries.

Aging My Way

Reading and Googling go hand in hand for me these days. It’s one of the good things about the internet. No longer do I have to wait to go to the library to find answers to my questions, all I have to do is type them into a search engine.

It helps, however, if you know the right questions to ask.

This morning I was reading an essay in Best American Travel Writing of 2020 about Rick Steves. The author didn’t immediately identify Steves except by name, and so I Googled him. Only from the short time I went from the page to my phone screen I goofed and typed in Steve Reeves.

That was a blast to my past. During my younger days, I had watched Reeves, a bodybuilder and actor, portray such characters as Hercules in movies many times. But I quickly realized he probably wasn’t the person I was looking for and a quick glance back at the book informed me of my mistake.

Googling the correct name, I discovered Rick Steves is a popular American travel writer famous for his European travel guides. I guess. because I’ve never visited Europe, is why I had never heard of Steves, even though the article by Sam Anderson described him as an amazing person and writer.

Meanwhile, I’m still wondering how my little gray cells jumped from Rick Steves to Steve Reeves. My guess is that at 84, and always being insatiably curious, those cells of mine are densely crowded, allowing wires to easily get crossed. At least I hope that’s all it is.  

I wonder if the internet has something to say about that.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Books, Journeys, Travel, Writing | Tagged , , | 1 Comment »

One Is Not Like the Other

November 13, 2023 by Pat Bean

The Monastery in Petra, a place that has fascinated me ever since I got a sneak peek at it in an Indiana Jones movie. Photo by Diego Delso

Aging My Way

I do a lot of armchair traveling these days, looking at photos of and reading about places, which at 84, I know I will probably never be able to visit in person. It’s an enjoyable hobby that continues to feed my insatiable curiosity about the world and the people who live in it.

What’s lacking, however, is the feeling of accomplishment one gets from actually walking through an unknown cityscape, standing atop a mountain you’ve just climbed, or learning to communicate with a local whose language you do not understand. There is value in sweat and effort.

Susan Orlean pointed this out in a story about the remains of Petra, the cave-like capital of 4th century Nabateans, being made into a virtual reality model.  Wrote Susan: “Technology makes it easier to see the world almost as it is, but sometimes the hardest parts are what make travel memorable.”

As I read Susan’s words in The Best Women’s Travel Writing: Volume 12, I thought about my recent bird-watching walk around a small lake here in Tucson. It was a flat trail, just a half-mile in length, and I had to use my rollator as a steading hand and a place to sit every once in a while, but the feeling of accomplishment I felt at the end was significant – so much better than watching bird cams, which is also something I do regularly.

One is not like the other.

Which is why, because I can’t physically do all the things I want to do, or financially afford to travel to all the places I still want to see, I’m thankful for modern-age technology. If nothing else, the years have taught me to be flexible. It’s one of the ways I can continue to experience life zestfully, if not gracefully.    

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Birds, Books, Journeys, Travel | Tagged , | 1 Comment »

Just Another Scamp Story

November 7, 2023 by Pat Bean

At 17 pounds, Scamp fit nicely on my lap, which he promptly adopted when we first met. I was eager to have a dog after losing a beloved one, and he, a skinny, matted dog eager to escape shelter life was ready to adopt his forever person. — Photo by my friend Kim Perrin, whose chickens he chased.

Aging My Way

My canine companion Scamp is the most challenging dog I’ve ever owned. For one thing, the shelter advertised him as an eight-month old, 17-pound, female schnauzer mix.

I instantly fell in love with the photo that went with the Facebook ad and from that point forward, there was no turning back — even though he turned out to be a male dog, one of which I said I would never own. Things went downhill from there, beginning with the fact he wasn’t house-trained, loved destroying toilet paper, and chewing on the legs of my dining room table and chairs.    

Thankfully those problems got solved pretty quickly. He now has chew toys and he knows which things are his.

But while I was expecting an eventual 20-25-pound dog, he continued growing. A DNA test showed he had no schnauzer in him, but was 50 percent Siberian husky and 37 percent shih tzu.

shih tzu legs on a stout husky body. When he roughhouses with another dog, which he loves to do, he often limps around the house for a day or two.

In addition, he usually brings home a bad report card from the groomers. He simply doesn’t like to be out of my sight.

Last year, when I suffered a serious bout of leg nerve pain, I was forced to abandon my third-floor apartment and move to a ground floor unit. I chose an apartment in a small complex that had its own small, fenced patio yard.

The idea was that Scamp would use the yard to do his business so I wouldn’t have to walk him. I guess I house-trained him too well because no way will he pee or poop inside the fence. And to prove it, he went two whole days without doing his business, at which point I conceded the battle.

My granddaughter says he’s as stubborn as I am.

On the plus side, I think I needed a challenging dog to make my life more interesting. And Scamp’s the most lovable, cuddly dog I’ve ever owned. Although he weighs 45 pounds, he thinks he is a lap dog and finds a way to prove it.

He is also an excellent traveler and a good guest.

Well, unless the person I’ve visiting has chickens, which my good friend Kim has. Three of them. At the first opportunity, Scamp broke through a fence to get to them and a wild chase ensued, with feathers flying everywhere.

Thankfully, Scamp never latched onto anything but those feathers, and the chickens all survived, although one hid beneath a pile of wood to escape Scamp and Kim couldn’t find her for an hour.

I can’t wait to discover what he will be up to next. OK, maybe I can wait.

Pat Bean is a retired award-winning journalist who lives in Tucson with her canine companion, Scamp. She is an avid reader, an enthusiastic birder, the author of Travels with Maggie available on Amazon (Free on Kindle Unlimited), is always searching for life’s silver lining, and these days aging her way – and that’s usually not gracefully.

Posted in aging, Dogs, Journeys | 2 Comments »

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